We've taken a poll of the office staff here at CDF World Headquarters and determined that there really isn't a staff here at all. It's just two of us. Well... one of me. And there isn't really a World Headquarters. It's just an old cardboard box with a plastic chair inside.

Haha! Just kidding. We're a major corporation you've never heard of but must obey. Because El Presidente said so. And he's not even Hispanic.

He posted.

We've taken another poll and have decided that we may or may not let you know each time El Presidente rants.

Remember that movie about the apes who had really terrible hygiene and it turned out that they didn't have the money to pay for hot water? Or something? Yeah, we don't either. But we do know that El Presidente has issues with naked monkeys.

He did it again.

Weird.

El Presidente is not dead. Nor is he Fidel Castro, who might be dead. We can't confirm that rumor.

We just wanted to clear that up. Thank you.

Also, a new Think has been thunk.

Why didn't anyone tell us that Gerald Ford was dead? We all showed up at the Ford library for our annual employee winter pic-a-nic and there are people all over the place looking at some dead guy.

Nice.

Thanks for making us look like idiots.

Welcome to December 27th, 2006. It's Wednesday. Some of you might be confused and think it's Tuesday but rest assured, you are an idiot. You've got your days all messed up and you can't blame the egg nog.

We wanted to take a moment to express our sympathy to the families of President Ford and that one broad who claims to be the wife of the former James Brown. This has not been a good holiday season after all. May they rest in peace. Or something.