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Monkeys should be forced to wear pants.
It's a simple proposition really. Monkeys have been allowed to run around in the wild - pant less - for far too long. The world has gotten distracted from this very real problem by pointless fads like global warming and tracking down the alleged nekkid photographs taken of me at the last corporate retreat.
Those pictures don't exist. They never existed. Even if they did exist, you'll never find them. If they existed. Which they don't.
There is a picture that does exist, however. It's far too disturbing to post here in this glorious space, but I will link to it. Take a gander at that, my friends, and tell me that monkeys should still be allowed to run wild with their butts swinging in the breeze. Do you think that it might be time to send a message to monkey-kind? A message like, "Put on some damn pants, you damn monkeys!"
I was going to say "you damn dirty apes" but someone beat me to it. Or would have beaten me if I said it.
Beets. Beet-red buttocks. Imagine those baboon butt cheeks flapping about in your face on an otherwise fine summer afternoon. Don't think for one second that there is no great monkey conspiracy to make something like that happen. There are, at this very moment, cells of rogue monkeys with their naked butts roaming the cities of [insert your country name here because we are too lazy to write the code that would do it automatically based on your IP address] who are intent on getting said butts right up in your face. They will then fart and do a monkey laugh while you fall to the ground, stunned and gasping for air.
Or worse.
Ok, probably not worse. They are, after all, monkeys and not known for their abilities to create and then execute complex plans for evil. But I for one do not intend to be farted upon.
Hehe. Farts.
Er... Pants the monkeys!